.... the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
I am without form, void, and darkness is upon the depths of my heart.
I am waiting for God to move... into my lungs, my heart, the blood in my veins, along the membranes of the tiny cells that compose my body, my soul.
This year has been a year of constant fighting against changes of certain sorts, toward changes of other sorts. In the last few months i have had to more deeply think about what it is i want out of life, about not just the me that i am, but the void part, the part without form. And after a long look....
I am without form, void, and darkness is upon the depths of my heart.
I am waiting for God to move... into my lungs, my heart, the blood in my veins, along the membranes of the tiny cells that compose my body, my soul.
This year has been a year of constant fighting against changes of certain sorts, toward changes of other sorts. In the last few months i have had to more deeply think about what it is i want out of life, about not just the me that i am, but the void part, the part without form. And after a long look....
i dont even recognize myself.
i used to live life moment to moment.... didn't i?
i used to laugh intensely every day.... right?
i used to see my reflection, and see beauty.... i think....
but digging deep, i see that i never did see me. The face of my deep is formless and void. Like a black hole in the center of a sparkling galaxy. I looked and looked at all of the creation, the shooting stars, the burning suns, the revolving solar systems, the meteors destroying, the light creating, the planets spinning in order, their revolutions giving me a sense of meaning... but i forgot the center of it all, the place from where i stood and marveled at all of this within my body (made up so carefully of all of its unfathomable parts and systems), my soul.
i used to live life moment to moment.... didn't i?
i used to laugh intensely every day.... right?
i used to see my reflection, and see beauty.... i think....
but digging deep, i see that i never did see me. The face of my deep is formless and void. Like a black hole in the center of a sparkling galaxy. I looked and looked at all of the creation, the shooting stars, the burning suns, the revolving solar systems, the meteors destroying, the light creating, the planets spinning in order, their revolutions giving me a sense of meaning... but i forgot the center of it all, the place from where i stood and marveled at all of this within my body (made up so carefully of all of its unfathomable parts and systems), my soul.
So when i was forced to see my galaxies crashing down around me, planets running ary, suns burning out, tides turning, stars exploding: i was forced to turn to the center, the face of the deep.
This is my journey to discover what lies behind the void.
For so long i have been waiting for my real life to begin.
so.......
In the Beginning, God said let there be light, and there was light!
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